Things My Husband Says

For the last several weeks, I’ve been following the story of Japan’s missing centenarians. Yes, plural centenarians, missing.

What the crap?

First there was a story about a Tokyo’s alleged oldest man, who turns out to have died 32 years ago. His family mummified him and kept him in his bed.

And one of Tokyo’s oldest women? No one has seen her since 1986, when her daughter moved.

These discoveries are coming to light as the country prepares for Respect for the Aged Day. Perhaps instead of a single day to honor centenarians, they would be better served by actually verifying their continued existence?

Japan believes it has more than 40,000 centenarians, of whom 200 are now known to be missing, and that’s before all 47 prefectures have reported the results of their attempts to locate them. I’m having a hard time imagining how a society that has a national holiday to celebrate their super-elderly can lose so many of them.

One of them was registered at an address that became a park in 1981! One of them died in 1966! He would’ve been 126, except that he died at 82, which is still a respectable old age, but c’mon. Forty-four years?? You’ve got to be kidding me.

I just overheard another (my fifth today?) commercial for a rapid-response home pregnancy test, the one that tells you 6 days before your expected period whether or not you’re pregnant. As a sexually active woman, I understand the desire that drives that product market, but there’s also part of it that really irks me. I think the thing about it is the catchphrase, something like, ‘because you deserve to know.’ I don’t know, it’ll come on again before I finish this post. Oh, there it is!! “Because when you don’t know, one day is a lifetime.” Seriously.

Here’s the thing: no, actually, knowing the second that you conceive is not a right. Sure, it’s a privilege, but absolutely not a right. We live in a country that has developed a ridiculous obsession with fertility and babies, and that makes me unduly annoyed. I’m going to take this opportunity to yell at the ‘impatient and trying crowd.’ (This rant does not apply to the ‘oh crap, what if’ crowd.) If you can’t wait ONE fucking day to know whether you’re pregnant, I would strongly encourage you to examine your motives and feelings about the baby thing. I know, it’s nerve-wracking, but you’re (presumably) an adult, and now is a good time to learn some self-restraint.

I’m not going to direct any rant at the ‘oh crap, what if’ crowd. That situation sucks, and having been there, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I feel for you, and wish there were better options out there, so that this wasn’t where you needed to turn.

I know it’s hard to wait to know anything, and with the issue of pregnancy it can be especially hard. So often, we have very strong emotions very deeply invested in the question of yes or no. When those days are spent worrying about the possibility of an unintended pregnancy, there can be a huge amount of fear. On the other hand, waiting to find out whether you’ve succeeded at becoming pregnant is generally a hopeful time, but it has a dark edge to it. Due to increases in the sensitivity of technology, the prevalence of miscarriage has greatly increased in the last half century. I don’t have the exact statistics for the 1960s (blogging on the fly!), but current statistics indicate that 25% of pregnancies miscarry before 6 weeks LMP. Isn’t it heartbreaking enough to spend two weeks (6 weeks LMP – 4 week menstrual cycle = 2 weeks) growing attached, only to have it taken away? I don’t see any value in increasing the amount of time, and therefore intensity, that we choose to spend on that.

A little uncertainty is a normal and important part of life. Personally, I believe it makes us more resilient. Literally thousands of generations of women have managed to wait out the relatively short period of time it takes to discover whether a period is coming or not. Yeah, it’s stressful, but it’s also a totally normal part of adult female life. Take a deep breath, and a walk, and deal.